web analytics
April 13, 2014, at 7:02 pm

Damn Taxes & Bad Health!

Went out shopping with Dad and Rosie… Ollies, K-Mart, The Cookout…. more like browsing, wishing, and hoping.

Rosie did find 2 pairs of jeans @  $2.99 each!

Dad owes the IRS $923.00 in TAXES on his Social Security and UMWA Pension. UGH! Not fair that after working all his life (he is now 73) that he has to pay taxes on his retirement!

It will wipe out ALL that is left in his Savings. He has had to PAY taxes for the last 8 years now. We had a decent amount in savings but all of us have health issues and  it depleted quicker than we had planned on.

Not easy to have major health issues. We all have insurance that pays about 80%-and even up to 100% at times BUT when a surgery and hospitalization goes into the hundred thousand dollar range it gets expensive. Plus it costs a small fortune for co-pay for meds, traveling back and forth to doctors, hospitals, labs, ER.  Just glad we do have insurance. Blessed to have it. Thanks Obama and The Affordable Care Act for all you have done to help America.

Some weeks we would drive 1000 miles back and forth between Charleston and Pineville,WV when Mom had to have her leg amputated and then therapy.

When Dad injured his back on the job in Virginia and we lived in West Virginia… he had to drive 250 miles round trip 3x a week for physical therapy!

SADLY it seems my family has spent most of our lives waiting and the doctor’s office, ER, Hospital or traveling to and from those places.

Mom’s Health: Diabetic Insulin Dependent, COPD, Endometrial Cancer, Hysterectomy, Breast Polyps, Multiple Strokes, Hypertension, Hypercholesterolemia, Renal insufficiency, MRSA. Ending up having both legs amputated above the knee due to Atherosclerosis.Injured her back in a car accident and needed 6 months of therapy 3x’s a week, 80 mile round-trip.  She passed away in 2006. Miss you much Mommy.

Dad’s Health : Diabetic Insulin Dependent, Herniated Discs, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, Carpal Tunnel, COPD, Sleep Apnea, Allergies, Hypertension, Oral Cancer, Glossectomy, Charcot-Marie-Tooth, Hypercholesterolemia, Benign prostatic hyperplasia.

Rosie’s Health: Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (age of 6) With Linear Scleroderma, Had a Splenectomy due to Hemolytic Anemia associated with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Contracture of Ankles, Elbows, Wrists, Fingers, Toes, & Shoulders.  Allergies, Osteoarthritis, MRSA, Cholecystectomy, Septicemia, Scoliosis, 4 Umbilical Hernia Repairs, Osteoporosis, Hypothyroidism, Menorrhagia, Endometrial Hyperplasia, Gastric Bypass BilioPancreatic with Duodenal Switch, Severe Malnutrition from Gastric Bypass… had to have the BPD/DS partially reversed to rectify the malnutrition. Formerly Morbid Obesity, Diabetics and Hypertensive. Been wheelchair bound since 16. She is now 46…has spent 30 years wheelchair bound. Was on TPN and feeding tubes for over a year. Was once Diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer but a few D&C’s it got it all. PTL!

Angela’s Health: Diabetes (Insulin Dependent from age 16-to-46 now takes Victoza and Metformin) Fibromyalgia, Rhabdomyolysis, Renal Failure, Dialysis, Depression, Dysthymia, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Charcot-Marie-Tooth, Hypothyroidism, Endometrial Hyperplasia, Anemia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Allergies, Gastroparesis, Chronic Fatigue, Insomnia, Adhesive Capsulitis of Shoulder (through intense physical therapy I regained use of my arms and shoulders), Dupuytren’s Contracture (Daily therapy at home), Short Achilles Tendon… (Daily therapy at home) Neuropathy, Sleep Apnea, Menorrhagia, Septicemia(age of 5). Cholecystectomy, Hypertension (age 16) Now off hypertension meds as well as the Insulin Pump due to Gastric Bypass Roux-n-y. Formerly Morbid Obese. 2 Suicide Attempts. Was once Diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer but a few D&C’s it got it all. PTL! Yes, Both Rosie and I had the same situation.

Whew! That is more than enough for one family to handle!

I just pray that in the future all of our health improves for the better… and so does our financial circumstances.

Surrendering it all to our Lord God Almighty,

Angela

FacebookPinterestTwitterBookmark/FavoritesEmailFlipboardPrintShare
April 9, 2014, at 6:42 pm

Social Anxiety

Just some random thoughts:

I have dealt with Social Anxiety all my life. I can go through moods where I am more extroverted than other times. Right now it is split right in the middle… who knows what it will be tomorrow…

I only talk on the phone to Doctor Offices. In the last year, I have only spoken to 2 family members & one friend(Dani-Shae) by phone. Rosie talks to our family more often than I do.

I get so stressed knowing I am going to have to talk on the phone. Always have.

We didn’t have a phone in our house growing up. Didn’t have the money for one. Was almost 20 when we got a phone permanently installed and it was because Rosie got Social Security from being disabled (Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis) and she wanted a telephone.

I use to talk to my Aunt Nee-Nee almost daily when she was alive. She was like a sister to Rosie and I. Very close. I love and miss her.

My Aunts, Uncles, & Cousins don’t know this but I  still get severely stressed when anyone visits us or when we visit them… I mean crying, shaking, sweating, getting all panicky, even can’t sleep, etc

Social Anxiety is MENTAL Disorder and the fear I have is very real. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety

I have deep social interaction problems. Have not been with a man since Nov 18th, 1994. Almost 20 years.

Only been intimate with 2 men.

Heck I have only kissed 4 men ever.

I didn’t even have a man ask me out till I was almost 25.

Ended up marrying him…. First man I ever even kissed. Married him because I didn’t think I could do any better. He was a drug head, alcoholic, no job, no motivation, no nothing. 21 days into the marriage he told me he never loved me and only married me because I was a virgin and he had never popped a ‘cherry’. What an @$$ Of course, I DIVORCED him.

I NOW know I deserve a decent man. A man with compassion, drive, high morals. Someone who is motivated and who loves and supports all my dreams to make the world a better place.

In the past few years, God has blessed me with a few Male friends whom I love and adore. We are “just friends.” Grateful for all of them. The majority of them are in The United Kingdom.

I never had girl pals in school… none ever visited my home and I never visited theirs. Too Shy. I did have a few friends I would talk to AT school.

Being overweight all my life, I was bullied all-throughout school. I could not handle being made fun of on a daily basis and it made me drop out of school when I was 16. I was considered the most intelligent girl in my class as well as the shyest. Both true… but also SADLY  Also known as “the FATTEST!”

I weighed 199 lbs when I was 11/12.

I  now weigh less than that at the age of 48.

You have such a pretty face.. has been uttered to me a million times.

Hell.. what about my beautiful mind? My compassionate heart?… no it has always been pretty face, fat body, you need to lose weight, etc.

I now have a girl pal who loves to hang out with Rosie and I. We love Dani-Shae. Never had a female friend who visited us … EVER till last year. God blessed us when Dani-Shae came into our lives.

I get so stressed and worried about dating. I am a caregiver to my sis Rosie and will always be. Not even sure how to begin dating nor how to explain my situation with Rosie. Rosie and I are always together 24-7-365. How would dating and a man fit into that? I have a few personal ads on some dating sites and I receive around 500 messages a month from men wanting to date me.  I have yet to respond to any. Scared. Uncertain.

I have major panic attacks, or used to… They are not as bad as they once were but sometimes happen for no apparent reason.

I can be so freaking moody with everyone. Including my Dad and Rosie. Grateful they are able to cope with my moodiness… Wish I could do a better job coping with Life in general.

Been awhile since I have posted here about my social anxiety. Wish I could end this posting that my social anxiety was ameliorated… or at least partially relieved. Alas I can not. Not YET! Maybe someday.

I am asking God to make me an extrovert. Want to conquer all this fear and shyness that I possess. Use me dear Lord for your glorification. I surrender.

~Angela

 

 

April 3, 2014, at 4:21 pm

Sad & Hurt

I had 2 Uncle’s pass away within the past few days and I found out both had died in an online PUBLIC POSTING on Facebook.

It truly ‘hurt’ me that no one cared enough to call our family with this information. Asking the Lord to help me deal with everything. My heart is broken. What in the world have we become? A Society with a total lack of compassion? Hope not…. but the past week it seems that way.

Deeply saddened with the passing of my Uncles.

Praying that their families deal with their loss. Grant them peace and serenity.

~Angela

 

December 28, 2013, at 1:09 pm

Angela’s Twitter Ramblings December 2013

Here area few select pondering’s that I posted on Twitter the month of December 2013

People should paint the canvas of lives with brushstrokes of patience, sacrifice, vulnerability, faith, humility, love, & compassion. AMEN!

 

Grateful for all the experiences it took to get me where I am at… a place of clarity filled with serenity, love, compassion, faith & hope.

 

Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you WANT because you NEED something else. what you need often comes when you’re not looking for it.

 

Listen to God: He wants a one on one relationship with you! Pray about a situation and God will Guide you to the answer you seek.

 

God has a purpose for your pain, reasons for your struggles, & gifts for your faithfulness. DO NOT GIVE UP!

 

I don’t care about the presents,Underneath the Christmas tree. I just want U 4my own, More than U could ever know, Make my wish come true…

 

I admit that I talk 2 my mommy N heaven every day. I only spent a few days EVER away from her when both of us were hospitalized. Missing her.

 

Dear God, help me to put aside the things that are breaking my heart, to pray about things that break yours.

 

God please send me the people I need in my life to encourage me and guide me to do great things in your name and honor. I surrender All.

 

“When you miss me… Look up at the night sky…. I am up there watching and protecting you always.” ~Your loved ones.

 

There is a lesson we need to learn through all issues God places in our lives. Someday God will reveal the reason for everything.

 

Spirituality does not come from religion… it comes from your soul.

 

God didn’t lead you to this point to abandon you. Keep on trucking along. God is with You and will never fail you. Just be quiet and listen.

 

God is the reason why even in pain, I smile. In confusion, I understand. In betrayal, I trust. In fear, I continue to push forward.

 

Wish people would stop ‘selecting’ bible verses 2 follow. Read & Study the ENTIRE Bible. Pray. In the end all U need 2 know is GOD IS LOVE.

 

God always has your best interest at heart. When a door closes, you don’t know what God may be saving you from.

 

The God I serve is a God Of Love…. and not a bigot like He is being portrayed. So frustrated with people using The Name of God with hatred

 

So grateful that I have learned to love everyone no matter their race, religion, size, sexual preference. Love & acceptance!

 

I know all the illnesses that is laid upon me, God is walking beside me… cheering me on saying “He’s got this… don’t worry & keep going”

 

BE KNOWN for your kindness, compassion, sympathy, equality and love toward all people.

 

Stop WAITING for The weekend, Summer, New Years, etc Start living your life today. Celebrate the day, time, season you are in. LIVE LIFE!

 

If you want to know where you heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders…

 

Love yourself first and then others will be attracted to your inner light. Smile inwardly and others will fall in love with you,

 

I know when the time is right God will bring me my mate. Asking for patience, guidance, and strength. EXCITED about what is ahead for me.

 

Don’t edit your dream… think big… make it something U can see in UR mind…God with help U materialize it with some effort…SURRENDER.

 

Someone clicking Like, Favoriting or commenting on a posting really can make my day. Simple little things lets me know I am loved. Thanks

 

Let your requests be made known unto God… the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts & minds through Christ.

 

Grateful that God thought I was good enough to be a caregiver to my lovely sis Rosie. She is such a special person. we are best friends.

 

Asking God to guide my mate to me. Give us both guidance, patience, fortitude, health, strength, love, family, protection. Prepare us both.

 

“Don’t tiptoe though life unless you are in a field of Tulips with Tiny Tim, ”

 

♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥

Rosie had a feeding tube for 9 months. It left a scar in shape of a HEART!

♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥♥❤♥❤❥

 

~Angela

 

 

December 27, 2013, at 10:44 pm

SO Many Blessings

I am blessed to be surrounded by so many loving friends and family.

For the past few weeks, I have been doing so much better. I have to thank my family and friends for all their love, support, and prayers.

Started on Victoza injections for my diabetes and my sugar is now controlled. I have lost 8 lbs in 3 weeks. Now skinner than I was when I was 11. Yes, ELEVEN!

My emotions are composed. My thoughts are lucid.

My body still fights the aches & pains of Fibromyalgia. I am doing better than I was but still not 100%… not sure IF I have ever been 100%.

Grateful that I have serenity. Tranquility ebbs from each and every pore of my chassis.

My sister Rosie is doing GREAT. Last year at this time the doctors were not sure she would survive. She has not only survived and beat the odds but has conquered so many other avenues. She is now a size 18 down from a size 34. So happy for her. Love that she can now buy clothes that fit here in almost every store and no longer need to be specially ordered. She is the happiest person I know. Always has been. Never lets ANYTHING get her down. I LOVE MY SISSY!

I want to thank God for bringing our friend Danielle in our lives. Never had a best girlfriend to hang out with. We now do and LOVE it! She has a new puppy, an Australian Cattle Dog named Tucker. They just visited us. Our dogs love Tucker. We all love Danielle. So does our Daddy.

Please keep Daddy in your prayers. Still has vision problems relating to his cataract surgery. I am worried he may have a touch of pneumonia. He has lung rattles at times.

Please continue to pray for Uncle Larry, Uncle Harold, and Aunt Earlene and the rest of my family. THANKS!

I want to Thank the Lord for my friends Rick & Shane. They have helped me overcome some of my shyness. They have taught me to be more tolerant & compassionate. They often put forth words that make me see various points of view that helps me to understand things from a different perspective. Shane & Rick have both enriched my life way beyond words could ever express. I LOVE THEM BOTH DEARLY! Please say a prayer for both Rick and Shane. Thanks!

Excited about 2014… and whatever delights it beholds for me.

I surrender my Life to Jesus.

AMEN.

~Angela

November 16, 2013, at 4:44 pm

Prayer Requests

Pray

Please pray:

      Uncle Larry: He had surgery to remove a brain tumor. They got it all but he needs radiation/chemotherapy for a lung tumor.

      Uncle Harold: He is having all sorts of health issues. He is in a assistant living facility.

      Aunt Earlene: She is having problems with her diabetes and circulatory system.

 

Dad, Rosie, and I send love and prayers to all of them and their Families.

~Angela

 

November 26, 2012, at 8:44 pm

Just to catch you up on what is going on….

Rosie has been in and out of the hospital since August. Today is our 25th straight day in the hospital. I have NOT left her side. She had Gastric Bypass in June 2011 and I have complained to doctors, nurses, and hospitals ever since that she was MALNOURISHED AND DEHYDRATED. Finally The University of Tennessee listened to me and started performing tests. She has been critical. All her body organs have been affected. She is now on TPN feedings by i.v. They will be putting in a feeding tube soon.  She has lost almost 300 lbs since June 2011. Too much too fast. Barely eats a handful of food daily. Has ascites of her heart, lungs, liver and abdomen. She has a fistula from her sigmoid colon to her abdominal wall. Diverticulitis. Hypoglycemia. Nausea. Diarrhea. Vomiting. Bowel Blockage. Fatty Liver. Had fluid removed from her lungs once already.  She is getting antibiotics, fluids, feedings, physical therapy, etc. So weak. She had a good day today. Bad days far out weigh the good ones lately. I hate seeing her lying in bed so ill. She has not been up in almost a month.Rosie will be in the hospital here a few more weeks. Prayers appreciated.

My Uncle Mack passed away and so sad that we were unable to attend his service. Good Man.

Grateful that Cousin Chester was found safe after being abducted by some dog thieves.

Sending all my love and prayers to my cousin Rebecca. I pray that she is able to get off drugs before it is too late. She wrote me and Rosie a few weeks ago. Had not heard from her in almost a year. She wanted us to know she was worried about Rosie and that she loved us. We love her back.

John and I are no longer on speaking terms. Haven’t spoken since May. I moved on. I no longer have a best friend to talk to….

I am grateful for the friendship that I have with Shane and Rick. Don’t know what I’d do without their support and friendship.

A few months ago I placed some personal ads. Had a tremendous amount of responses. Have a young handsome successful lad from Nashville named Will who wants to take me out this weekend. I have too much on my table to date now. I am old enough to be Will’s momma. LOL! Can you say COUGAR? Also been invited to a New Years Eve Party. I could go on and on.

I have not wore makeup in over a month now. I do put on a lippy daily. Get that from Granny Goode.

The food here sucks! I loved the food at Parkwest, UT, and Ft Sanders hospitals but not so much here. Their salad bar sucks. I ate Cheerios for supper today. Gonna have Dad bring me and Rosie a Dinner from the Gondolier on his next visit. Dad doesn’t not visit daily… would be too expensive on gas. Hell we are spending a fortune on inedible hospital food! Nasty Shit!

Really not in a holiday spirit. Prolly won’t even put up a tree. I haven’t even shopped online!

Rosie and I are missing our Babies: Smoki, SnickerDoodle, Punkin, Jazzi, Tater, and Panther. We talk to them via speakerphone daily. Daddy is taking good care of them. Taking them out to eat and for car rides. Weeeeeeeeee.

I may go shopping at Walmart for some food items… like fresh fruit and veggies.. BUT I Hate leaving Rosie. 

So stressed out. Pissed at everyone and everything. Wish Rosie would get a break. Poor lil thing has been through hell.

I have been getting hit on by MALE Doctors, Nurses, Techs and even a few ladies. LOL!

I will be 47 on the 19th of December. UGH!

It has been 18 years and 8 days since I was kissed. A LONG TIME! Lately I have been friskier than ever.Ready to have a man in my life again.

I have my eyes on 2 dudes…. just unsure if they are interested in me. Both are really compassionate caring handsome men. Wish they would show some interest!

Looks like Rosie and I will not be traveling to Disney World this spring. Doesn’t look like she will be healthy enough.

I am so glad President Obama won. Grateful that Rosie, Dad, and I got to go vote for him.

TV sucks here at the hospital. Can’t get the food network! That reeks!

Grateful for the CEO of the hospital getting Rosie a private room. At least she and I can sleep now.

Rosie just had her glucose checked and it is normal. Been a difficult few weeks keeping it over 70.

Rosie has lost about 80% of her hair due to her bad health. So I chopped my hair off in support.

I haven’t dyed my hair in 6 weeks… should see all the silver hair shining through. Will get it dyed JET BLUE BLACK soon. Also prolly a trim to refresh up my pixie cut.

Rosie and I hate missing going to the movies. So may films we wanna see. She and I had so many plans for this month and December. They all are down the freaking ass drain now.

Will update here more often.

Please pray for my baby Sissy Rosie. I love her.

~Angela

 

 

March 21, 2012, at 6:54 pm

Looks like I am gonna have to go back on INSULIN

Sugar is still out of control. 416 tonight (70-120 is my target range)

Taking 7.5 MG of Metaglip 2 x a day.

Maximum dosage is 10 mg 2x a day.

Will go up to 10 mg tomorrow.

But I am gonna call my endocrinologist and make an appt.

I believe it would be best to go back on the insulin pump.

Rosie had a fairly good day. She actually got out of bed and did some chores today. 1st time in MONTHS!

I am feeling poorly today. Only slept 4 hours. Got up at 9 am. Tuckered out.

Still have chest tightness.

Haven’t chatted with John in 2 days. Worried about him and Janette. Sending prayers.

PRAYING FOR EVERYONE.

Love,

Angela Bell

 

March 19, 2012, at 10:30 pm

Me and Diabetes, Rosie Update

First about Rosie. Today she saw Dr Wilhoite a gastro-enterologist. She is scheduled to have a colonoscopy on Monday: March 26th. She had a very bad morning and afternoon. Thank God she is now feeling better. Doc ONLY wants Rose to do a 3 day miralax prep. She is going to ask for respite hours from her Home Health Aide’s to help with the colonoscopy prep. That will relieve some of my stress.

Prior to Gastric Bypass (9-14-2009) I was on an insulin pump to control my diabetes. After 18 months I was able to go off insulin and on to metaglip PILL for my sugar. It WAS working well. I USED to test my glucose levels 5-6 times a day. Which I did religiously for 20 years. Since Rosie had Gastric Bypass (7-23-2011) I have been neglectful and rarely tested my glucose levels. I know I need spanking!!! Rose has been so sick and that makes me so stressed. I checked today and my glucose was 405 when 70-120 is the goals set my my doctor. I took 2 metaglips pills and it dropped to 287.  Most people are extremely ill when it passes 250 or so. I just have been more fatigued than normal. Going to  go back on insulin tomorrow. Gonna call my Endocrinologist and perhaps even go back on the insulin pump. Stress has always raised my sugar levels. As does infections.

I had a dream about MR HANDSOME the other night. We had a huge wedding with family and friends. It was gorgeous. After the wedding, Mr Handsome stood up and started laughing and saying it was all a prank and that he would never marry a FAT ASS like me and proceeded to kick me out of his house. I woke up…

Seems like I am not worthy of being loved. Just need a reassuring hug tonight.

I pray to have more faith, patience, compassion, self-esteem and confidence. I am lacking in those categories.

I pray that John’s wife Jan starts feeling better. Missed seeing him tonight. Hope to chat tomorrow via webcam tomorrow.

Today is my Daddy’s 72nd Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

Gonna take him out for lunch @ Capt D’s. Will take him out on Thursday to Red Lobster in Pigeon Forge. Both are faves of his.

Love and Prayers,

Angela Bell Goode

Page 1 of 1712345...10...Last »